i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
