there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
