i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize