wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
