:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
