I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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