My nipple is on Facebook.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
