Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
