Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
