There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
