My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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