Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
