The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
