What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
