for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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