I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
