she woke up with a sticky ear
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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