Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize