I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
