i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize