see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
