I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize