I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
