he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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