i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize