My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
