i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
