That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
