You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am one with the molecules
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
