I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
