I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
