Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
