would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
