does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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