Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
