i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize