is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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