Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
