i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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