I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
