what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
