Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
