im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
