Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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