Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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