Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
