So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
