I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
God, I missed his penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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