i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
third nipple confirmed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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