she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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