So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
