Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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