where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
