We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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