There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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