I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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