You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
