best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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