This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
