My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
