Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
