is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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