Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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