Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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