'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
