I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your tits are I can't wait for
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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