I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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