There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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