She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
